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Have a listen: Other ways to listen: i Tunes ♦ Stitcher ♦ Tune In ♦ Sound Cloud ♦ Google Play What I haven’t reported much is the point of view from the checked-out dads, many of whom have shared with me articulate, thoughtful, and often heart-breaking accounts of why they are not part of their children’s lives.These stories resonate with me, as they have challenged my earlier, blind admonishments that every parent has a moral obligation to fight for their children, no matter what.I shouldn’t be surprised if more and more men eschew marriage and traditional family values over the next century.
Self-discharge is permanent and cannot be reversed.
Figure 1 illustrates self-discharge in the form of leaking fluid.
And once she has the child, she is then almost entirely free of the threat of any consequences.
This is a great shame for the children involved who will probably be involved in divorces of their own or be afraid of marriage because they have seen the consequences when they fail.
The thirds set take the difficult road, and sacrifice years of their happiness, battling on a hopeless battle with the ex, just to maintain some sort of contact with the kids.
The fourth way, is to simply give up, and decide that the cost to the child through seeing the conflict, and to oneself, is too high.After studying this issue for the four years I’ve had this blog, I understand that the issue is complicated and nuanced, and there is plenty of legitimate room for both points of view, outlined above.You can read more about my stance in favor of shared parenting, empathy for absentee fathers, and other related topics here: “My kid’s dad isn’t involved and I don’t know what to say” The real reason your ex doesn’t see the kids How to get dads involved in divorced and separated families Close the pay gap? 50-50 visitation and no child support Should you date a guy who doesn’t see his kids?But no, she is still the same bitter and vengeful baggage that she always was.Rather than attempting to discuss things and put things on the right track, she is willing to communicate in writing only. Frankly, I feel that’s very naive and is almost always a view propagated by women. During those days, I used to recall these lines from shakespeare’s King John: Logically, I have to balance the damage to myself, my life and mental health, the possibility of the conflict damaging the child, against the damage done by my absence. She doesn’t seem to think that I’m needed and believes that my seeing the child is a bad thing. She lives with the kid and does the real parenting.They expect the man to be totally interested, committed, involved with his child’s life – and yet – they make it impossible for that involvement to happen.How can you remain interested and involved when you are given no information about the child’s everyday life, when even the most basic contact is made difficult or impossible, when you are limited to four days a month contact time if you are lucky?After I had calmed down, I tried again and contacted the ex.I had hoped she would have calmed down and would be willing to work with me.When he fell over and scraped his arm when he was with me, I was advised by my attorney to go to all the trouble of going to the doctor, having the scrape bandaged and so on, just to legally cover myself in case she would claim that it had in fact been intentionally caused. Some men commit suicide because they can’t handle the anguish.While on the lookout for anything that could be used against me, all the while constantly being told I was a bad person, a bad father, and all my involvement with my son was systematically stripped away. Others resort to violence and anger against the ex-wife.